Not Quite Perfect
by Tameri J. Calhoun
Summary: For their two-month anniversary, Felix wants everything to be perfect. It may not be as easy as he hoped.


They had both been looking forward to today. Felix certainly did a better job of showing his excitement, gushing about his plans and, more importantly, about _her_ with reddened cheeks to anyone who would listen. He'd been planning it for weeks- their second month as a couple would be a date they would both remember fondly.

It had to be perfect. Nothing could ruin it for her, he made sure of that. He picked the perfect location, a game where there were should be no curious inhabitants and absolutely no bugs; he planned out the time, the meal, and even some of the things he could say days ahead of time. It wasn't even luck that the arcade would be closed that Friday.

He picked her up from Hero's Duty, and clutched her hand as he lead her to a currently unoccupied castle in the Super Mario Bros arcade game. Ralph had assured him that Bowser wouldn't be there, nor would any of the odd-looking creatures that roamed that universe. It wasn't quite as sweet as the candy-coated Sugar Rush, but he suspected that Sergeant Calhoun wouldn't be upset at the fact.

The picnic was already set up under a tree when they arrived; a bottle of wine set in a pitcher of ice sat in the middle of the picnic blanket next to a carefully positioned picnic basket, and a cooler filled with root beer and assorted sodas was propped against the back of the tree.

"Impressive, Fix-It," Calhoun said with a smirk, giving his hand a squeeze.

"Thank you, ma'am," Felix responded nearly instinctively, smiling up at her with adoration in his eyes.

They settled down for the picnic, and Felix happily served the food that he'd assured was prepared perfectly to her liking. There was barbecue, fairly stereotypical picnic potato salad, sandwiches he'd learned to make from the Nicelanders, and a cake made specifically for the occasion by Mary, with Laffy Taffy frosting and candy extract straight from Sugar Rush.

They were just about to eat when the tree above them rustled, and they both looked up nervously. Calhoun's hand went straight to the pistol around her waist. From the tree, a candy-coated black hairdo flipped upside down to hang over them.

"Felix and Calhoun sittin' in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g!" She giggled as she hung from the branch. "Stink-brain told me about yer date," she added with a smirk.

Felix frowned nervously, looking between Vanellope and Calhoun. This was not in the plan.

Calhoun was smirking up at Vanellope. "Go home, kid," she said.

Vanellope glitched herself out of the tree and onto the ground in front of Calhoun. "Fiiiiine," she said with an intentional drawl, taking her time to meander away from the picnic.

"There's somethin' wrong with that kid," Calhoun said to Felix, fondness evident in her voice.

Felix relaxed, and settled back down to their meal. Calhoun had just popped the cork off the wine bottle when the ground began to shake slightly and they turned toward the racket.

Felix nearly choked at the sight of Ralph.

"Have you guys seen Vanellope?" he asked as he approached, audibly and visibly out of breath from his run. "I tried to stop her from interrupting your date, but-"

"I sent her off. Bye, Wreck-It," Calhoun said tersely. Felix's eyes widened nervously at the annoyance in her tone. This was supposed to be peaceful for her, not irritating!

Ralph got the idea from the sergeant's tone, and gave an awkward salute as he turned to leave the game.

"I'm sorry, Tamora, I really wanted this to be a peaceful night," he told her, sighing inwardly.

"No harm done, Fix-It, we still-"

"Sergeant Calhoun!" She spun at the sound. "We're sorry to interrupt, but-"

"Spit it out," she told the handful of soldiers that were for some inexplicable reason in Mario.

"You didn't unlock the firing range," one of them said quickly. "Ma'am," he added hastily, realizing his mistake hopefully before she did.

She glared the troops down. "Fire on each other, then, ladies," she said with authoritative venom in her tone. "I'm on a date."

They hesitated; as scared as they were to argue with Calhoun, they really wanted access to the range.

She sighed, giving in. "Fine. Take the key," she said, tossing it towards the highest-ranking officer of the small group gathered there. "And if I see your sorry asses in here again, you're all going to wish all you had to do was fire on each other, comprehend?"

"Y-yes, ma'am!" the soldier responded quickly, catching the key, saluting her, and turning to lead the small battalion off.

Calhoun glared until she could no longer see them over the game's hills, and turned back to Felix with a furrowed brow and a small frown.

"Sorry they're messin' up your picnic, Fix-It," she told him, trying to get herself settled down again beside him.

"Oh, don't you worry about it, honeybunch. I'm sorry it's not going as well as I'd hoped."

Her frown slowly turned to a smile, and she gave him a quick kiss before turning back to their picnic. Calhoun poured a glass of wine for herself. Felix politely rejected it when she offered him some, and he instead grabbed from the cooler a bottle of root beer.

The sun was slowly starting to go down- another perk of Mario, as apparently the programmers had attempted to install a time-change system; it didn't work in-game, but with some tweaking of the code, they'd managed to get it to work once the arcade was closed.

Felix was leaning towards her slowly and subtly, the gap between them closing, when another sound rang out. "Wah, wah, wah!"

Calhoun spun quickly and instinctively, bearing her pistol at the source.

"Pac-Man? He's not even _in_ this game!" Felix cried out in disbelief. What Pac-Man was doing zooming across the landscape with a chain chomp on his tail neither of them knew. Calhoun's pistol returned to its holster and she settled down again. Felix, red with embarrassment, kept more to himself for the time being.

Calhoun stood a few moments later, apparently restless, and smirked at something in the horizon. "Hey Fix-It, check this out!" she called, taking her pistol from the holster. Felix joined her; he stood at her side and watched with curiosity.

She took aim with her pistol, at what Felix wasn't sure. She set off two shots in quick succession, and smirked as they hit their mark. At first, the only thing Felix noticed was a sizzling sound, but soon the fire flower Calhoun had hit lit up against the night, causing a fiery and dazzling display.

"Gosh," Felix exclaimed. "That's mighty pretty! Not as pretty as you, of course!" he told her; despite the clear sappiness of his comment, she knew that he really did mean it, which made it all the more endearing.

"If ya' think that's something, watch-"

"Hey you, gun lady!" Calhoun turned toward the voice, her gun already in her hand, and scowled.

"State your business," she said sharply, staring at the man's strange attire- or, rather, near lack of it.

"I am Zangief, from Street Fighter. I come to challenge you to a duel."

Calhoun's expression changed from one of bewilderment to one of exasperation very quickly.

"Look, pussycat, I don't have time for you. If you want me to send your sorry behind whining home to your mama, come back when I'm not busy."

"Zangief does not wish to lose his bet with Guile. And I do not take kindly to your insults."

Calhoun was not in the mood. She fired two warning shots at the ground in front of him and one that flew by his ear.

"I suppose I can come back when you are less busy..." he decided nervously.

Calhoun frowned angrily as she watched him go. Felix gently rested a hand on her arm, looking up at her with sad, apologetic eyes. "Tammy, I can't tell you how sorry I am..."

"Let's have some cake," she suggested.

"Sure!" Felix perked up, grabbing her hand and leading her back to the picnic. The cake was one of Mary's finest; it wasn't too flashy, just a double-decker cake with lavender-colored frosting. However, it tasted spectacular enough for Calhoun to duel with Felix over the last bite.

"Pi pikachu!" The call was easily recognizable, but they still both blinked in astonishment when the small yellow mouse popped up beside Calhoun, sniffing at the cake.

"Does that nosy little monster belong to you?" Felix inquired of the boy who was casually strolling towards them. He had a red cap and jacket, and the Pokeballs strapped to his belt made Calhoun think Felix had the right guy.

"Didn't even know you Pocket Monsters had an arcade game," Calhoun stated.

Red shrugged with a smirk, and whistled for his Pikachu. He gave an apologetic wave, and turned away again without a word.

Calhoun rubbed her temples, but she didn't say anything else about it. When they were finished with the cake- or at least full, they couldn't eat an entire one of Mary's cakes- Felix took her hand and led her to hill nearby, pointing up towards the stars.

"Mario's stars sure are gorgeous, huh, Tamora?"

"It's bein' here with you that counts, soldier," she said, letting him rest his head on her stomach as they laid down and looked up to the sky.

They grew drowsy together as they gazed toward the sky, heavy but content eyelids threatening to close on both of them. _At least this part of the evening is going just as I planned,_ Felix thought sleepily. He should've known better.

"Ahh, Daisy! Aren't these-a stars just-a wonderful?" The Italian accent rang out loudly through the air; Calhoun's eyes shot open and her hand instinctively went for her pistol. Felix jumped, startled out of his soper, and stood above Calhoun protectively.

A high-pitched giggle followed. "Sure is gorgeous, Luigi. Our dates are always _so perfect._"

Felix lost it. His hand flew to his hammer- not that it would do any good if something came to blows- and he stormed over to the offending party. "Excuse me," he said, somewhat quietly; before they gave them a chance to reply, he repeated it much more loudly.

"Felix? What are-a you doing here?" Luigi was apparently confused.

"I. Am. On. A. _Date_," he told him, his face growing red with anger. "I set this up with you and your brother weeks ago! It was supposed to be _perfect _for my Tamora, and there has been nothing but interruptions the entire time!" He was fuming now, gesticulating wildly and wielding his hammer violently.

"I'm-a sorry...?" Luigi have a clue what to say, and Daisy was peeking out from behind him.

Felix huffed and turned away from Luigi. "Come on, Tamora, we're leaving," he said.

She eyed him with concern, but didn't argue as Felix began to pack everything back into the picnic basket. Calhoun rolled up the blanket and tossed it over her shoulder before he could argue, and grabbed the cooler from where it sat beneath the tree. Felix took the picnic basket- which was nearly as big as he was- in one hand and clutched Calhoun's in the other.

As he stormed off, Calhoun kept pace easily, although from his grip on her hand he seemed to think he was tugging her slightly. He 'tugged' Tamora all the way back to the trolley station for Fix it Felix, Jr. He tapped his foot impatiently at the currently unavailable train. He calmed down some as they waited for the train, and he turned his gaze back to Tamora.

"I'm so sorry this day didn't turn out quite like it was supposed to," he told her, disappointment dripping from his voice. "I really wanted it to be perfect."

"Well, ya' missed that mark, soldier," she told him. He looked crushed. "But it's alright. We got a lot more time together to make up for it, right?"

As he smiled up at her, she lifted him to her height and pulled him fondly into a kiss.


End file.
